diary of stine tranekjær
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monday: jan 20th 2012
re edidt: friday: jan 10th 2012
white pulver layer snow
there
days go. white was arriving
winds were whirling up a sun
like blizzard. yellow light blue violet purple cut dust diamonds are embracing branches garden
tree.
all snow
consequence became
some steady fell from branches garden ground
to solid icing context
contrast shape inversed became all white.
every detail
has now became
emphasized to dinosaur.
i would tell it: both contour and colour of pigeons much clearer.
a seagull has arrived. i saw it was wings slightly slightly how yellow-not white.
arriving open sky
sun shine
now white real yellow light blue violet purple sits tight divisions split light
and makes a shadow.
perception-change perspective take normality
same same white sort white in whirlwinds arriving, so flat colour snow
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friday: jan 10th 2012
this white pulverized layer of snow
everywhere
days ago when the white was in its arriving
then the winds were whirling up ice into sun
like a blizzard. yellow light blue violet purple cut dust diamonds are embracing branches of the garden trees.
all this is snow
became of some consequence
steadily fell from branches to ground, and made solid fragile icing of white context
a contrast in the inverse shape became all white.
every detail has become emphasized to a maximum.
yesterday i would tell it: both contour and colour of the pigeons much clearer.
today a seagull arrived. i saw how it was wings slightly slightly yellow-not white.
arriving open sky
sun shine
now white real yellow and light blue violet purple sits tight in divisions between light and form shadow.
perception-change perspective made into normality
same same white sort white the whirlwinds in its arriving, is now flat colour snow
-
-
"the colour white is an abstraction. shadow and light forms an idea in which we place the construction of white."
2008/9, in the works of the colour experiment.
-
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sunday: jan 29th 2012
-
turquoise is a trace of the colour of blood
reflections of a darker red through a real colour of skin
a memory of blood
the memory of red
-
look on the upside of your hand.
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thursday: jan 27th 2012
track and trace
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tuesday: jan 17th 2012
i am exhausted
i was never ment to be a girl
and i was never taught to be vain
vanity is angst of being forgotten
vanity is forbitten redness exciting beauty
vanity is expression of memory and the colour of skin
vanity is a golden cage and alternations of the vivid mind escaping
most vanity is pink and that is a fact
i am aware of this
and pink in radical quantities is the memory of skin
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monday: jan 9th 2012
half way through this video i am crying
my hands and feet becomes red with heat.
to assure my self that i am not making tears for other reasons than the video
- i watch the video again
and then some more tears. and some more.
maybe it is the way the man who sings has a way to very very slightly close the lower part of his eye in a contraction towards the center.
maybe it is his words
i dont know - as i dont know the clear reflection escaping my eyes. my own sadness.
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monday: dec 19th 2011
half an hour ago i walked up to my parents house from the train station. it is a good walk uphill and all the stars were clear above me.
tonight there is this mirror-glazing on the road that sometimes come if frost occurs sudden.
i think it was that flat unexpected mirror.
the road made my thoughts meditate back to the sea north of the sinai dessert.
at night the sea north of the sinai dessert is the blackest water i have ever seen.
but it still shines like a mirror.
because above the blackest water: sits the blackest fillament. with the brightest stars. and the milky way sits paintet across the sky as put by a gentile brushstroke.
and to my mind came one star i saw there. it was so much brighter than any of the stars as we see them in the northern hemisphere.
i dont know what star this was.
some of the crew told me it was the shepherd star (the crew-mens name for that star was capella which is its italian name).
somehow i really wish it was.
this shepherd star has always puzzled me.
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saturday: dec 17th 2011
tonight it will snow.
now i could stay up and wait to see it fall
and probably i will just wait to see if it is still there tomorrow morning.
it feels good to know that the snow will arrive
i hope it will stay for some days
-
i am in holte with my parents.
i will spend christmas here
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wensday: dec 14th 2011
dit og dat = this and that
which is a very covering and extensive pair of words. they will help describe a lot of things and objects.
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friday: dec 9th 2011
today i had a facebook-chat with clémence lucier. the chat went almost like this.
"this afternoon I met a little girl who uses to eat her little piece of apple as if it was a slice of watermelon."
- yes. i know that
"you too ??$"
- that feels safe because i see the inverse reflection of the landscape of my teeth in the apple
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thursday: dec 1st 2011
now im ill again
since i wrote last i had about a week of "not ill"
it seems to be a flue. i dont have a real fever. but i never do. it is like 37 the warmest - so i dont know. its useless to call a doctor.
she would tell me to stay in bed. so i will.
i came to think of that i could now put the diary back in the homepage
-earlier in the year, as i had such a hard time with the israeli custom when i left israel from the port of ashdod in september - it was very good that it was not online.
how they googled me for half an hour: looked through my entire homepage, all my luggage was atomised and i was interrogated for 90 minutes by juvenile officers from the border police. (n.b.. travelling out of israel. not into).
on another subject in the same category i received an envelope en-route from the ministry of pension (danish not israeli) with the most through out-print of googelings i have ever seen on my person - actually my vanity was almost flattered that someone would use that time.
i don’t know what the subject was, because they did not tell. but they concluded some things from their googelings (many of their conclusions were not right and i wondered. of course. a lot in fact)
then they put some questions for me to answer - it was apparent that it could have consequences if i didnt reply.
it was all rather kafka, and i felt that i had to write them a long letter to sort out their strange investigation.
ministry of pension. it really made me wonder.
so let me state it from the bottom.
for any future googelers: - "what ever is revealed in this diary can be read as poetry and alternations of the vivid mind escaping"
and anyway, as a further precaution: it will be a rather tiresome read i am afraid.
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monday: nov 21st 2011
i was in the wrong place today
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tuesday: nov 15th 2011
yesterday my internet went away
today is somehow lonely and it is freezing outside
and some days ago my danish phone died at hanka and pavlas party when someone dropped a beer where it sat.
now my german phone is my only lifeline. it will not stay this way for long.
i have been ill for a week now. it slumbers in my lungs. they feel strangely heavy and fills my chest more than usual. and in the mornings my ears are moist inside. but i do not have a fever. so i will not panic. yet.
but i feel like an animal who forgot to travel south before winter came. now i hope i am strong. i dont feel strong like this.
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thursday: nov 10th 2011
a lesson
i miss all my hairs to be long
and i miss my bed to be wide
i also miss the green plants and my friends in the island where i live
in 4 and a half month i can have it all back
but then it will be spring
and maybe i will miss something else
like summer or someone to love
4 months of maybe-baby
then i think it better just be sooner
while my friends are still waiting
and my plants are still drinking
to remember
------------------------------------------------------
sometimes it is good to analyse oneself:
when i write hairs i do so because of two ex-boyfriends who were french. most french language do not make sense to me, but hair is hairs. that make sense. hairs are a fine acknowledgment to detail.
when i might write that my bed is to narrow, it is only written so because i thought it was a clever choice to avoid bedbugs.
and when i think about the swollen leaves of my green plants i know that i left them myself. along with my friends. to see if i was able.
-
sometimes there might be matters of no words
-
and now i have new words, new plants and new friends
and i met a young man
in a book store
i will not spend many lines to describe him since it now seems irrelevant.
he was not french.
what is of use, is to know: that the evening i met him, i had just returned from italy and he smelled very much of sweat and blinked almost constantly on both eyes - at the same time he smiled much like a kid and talked with a rather peculiar diction consisting of very elongated vowels with a change of tone descending, similar to my own.
maybe i fell in love. but maybe that is not relevant either.
instead the importance should be put on:
that for the next half month we slept together. sometimes in his very wide bed and some times in my very narrow bed.
sometimes we went to the flea marked, visited friends or went dancing.
i told him i didnt want a boyfriend and he seemed somehow at ease about this idea. maybe even glad.
it should be put in bold that in this text the word sleep means what it reads. a master class of sleep.
i think i could have kept this practise for long.
it felt somehow safe to let this boy move in to my narrow bed, and the wind was sending a long winter forward.
but then instead of winter came trouble. in-fact it must have been there all of the time
but if trouble is concealed clever it seems to be not there
now i know it was a trap
now i know he has a girlfriend
who is not me
from another city, from another time
-
this story has no moral
no moral. and it is almost not a story
because it has no ending
except that i will not be trapped.
that formes an exclamation
of vanity and angst
it brings back the passing of those 5 full circles
then it was somehow reverse story.
but same notes of sorrow and confusion
and that was not a story either
not at all
just this same irreversible wrong beginning
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friday: oct 21st 2011
google my friend:
it did
5 full circles today
of mismanaged careless water.
how come this illusion do not evolve?
what kind of wind blows so strong?
the beating of a red liquid sugar
illustrates the pressing.
a fast fever went so slow
and rose
to a beating sadness trapped between guilt and shame.
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wensday: oct 19th 2011
i got a mail from brad downey
he wrote that a bread of mine is featured on page 44 in his new book.
he is a nice guy this brad.
so my bread sits next to a banksy spray. i prefer my bread any day.
as louise drubigny then said to me "this list of contributors is very impressive"
today i feel like adding "sort of like an extensive list of the right facebook friends can be"
brad downey:
- i thought you was not into the vanities of facebook
here is a pdf to a look in to brads paper face-book:
http://www.onestarpress.com/IMG/pdf/downey_spreads.pdf
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wensday: oct 5th 2011
some days ago i returned from italy and israel.
i dont know what to write about this.
what i learned
what memories
what i saw and heard
ask me in some months and i will know.
apart from this fact maybe:
- since i put my feet on land, i have been seasick.
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wensday: aug 31st 2011
that time will not be easy spend
this knowledge is horrible
in some weeks it is past.
the anticipation of the memory is bigger than my angst
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saturday: aug 20th 2011
today i took the diary of the homepage. i dont know if it is right or wrong to do so.
it has been alive online in different forms since 2006. it needs a break.
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saturday: aug 7th 2011
for one time i would like to write something here that makes sense.
i thought of writing in danish, but maybe this was wrong.
this is better. this difference is equal
this is almost a letter
words and no riddle that tell why i am inside myself
my desire to run in your direction. my fingers cannot buy tickets in your direction
and my legs sit me down
again and again and again. over and over
now i tried since a week to go north but ended up in grenå town.
to say: do you understand
that if i feel that i am not welcome. i will not come.
i can not carry
the weight of our history alone
if i am told so long my legs will not walk no longer. anyway. so long was so well put.
and we are the same. i have missed you since i met you and i am sorry i told you that i felt anything else. i got so sad that my mouth betrayed my heart. i wish i knew how to make it all good. i wish your eyes were better than your ears. we are the same and even sometimes opposite.
the cliche was always there, since i looked at your smiling face the first time. if i had only dared to believe in what my eyes saw.
so long i will stay and turn back to my long ears and eyes and try to learn how to read your mind. until i find a place to rest my heart.
i tried to hard to invite you
how you came.
with your sweet governante
eeled your way through the high grass in my garden
tried elegantly not to plant no hope
i remember clear when you said: i just wanted a friend in this town since i did not have one.
i do not remember what thoughts i got from those words
i think my head has never felt so lost
i wonder who you thought i was.
i tried to tag along you ways
tried to play back these yellow balls of pale emotions
most times i had a migraine when we parted
you were more afraid than i was
at least the same
but how should i have known?
it is not normal to be more afraid then me.
it s not normal to be as afraid as i am
i remember you texted that you needed to walk alone after the night i couldnt sleep.
but my friends said they saw you out on the night in the town
with the man who always speaks about himself, but yet seems to know me very well
and then i wanted to call this man who says he looks like you and ask him if he told you stories to be yours. ive seen him many times i know his moves.
i wanted to ask so many people what they told you. but somehow it dosnt really make no sense.
so much that did not make sense and so much that i did not understand.
there is nothing i rather will than us being safe.
i wish i could have known how things looked from your side. so long. now i think that they most likely look the same as from mine, just opposite and i know that i for one did not treat you right.
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saturday: july 30th 2011
i am listening
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sunday: july 17th 2011
sad news
as it is very much my way to feel sorry for myself, im gonna note here that i do so tonight:
im going north wensday, but i lost the ability to walk.
more than a month ago i fell on my bike. 3 days later i fell one more time. also from my bike.
i cannot explain why i did this. i have not done this for 15 years and i do not plan to do it again ever.
my knees took quite a beating but off course i refused to see a doctor both first and second time. there was blood and bruises and some oedema and i am stupid stupid stupid.
it all seemed to fix up, but somehow it didnt.
3 days ago i tried to buy a red bandage for the knee that hurt the most. i thought the colour red would make the knee happy. but not so far.
now i have been sitting in my bed since 2 days. i can hardly walk out into the kitchen.
knees locked.
i must see a doctor. a sweet one whos in the know. i dont know how i will get down the stairs.
troubled sad legs
s
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monday: july 11th 2011
today i went by a schoolyard in the middle of the city:
the german tax admistration has its city office around the corner from this schoolyard.
it is an ordenary schoolyard. both messy and empty at the same time. to get in there you might have to climb a fence. but i will not do that.
i know that i would find both rowan threes and some big green plants with palm like branches with very green leaves sitting in formation.
but erlend would not sit there still.
below is ps. to the post on may 8th 2011
erlend, is the name of the man who wrote the song in that post. his hair has almost a colour same as the berries that sit on the branches of the rowans, that stand tall in the schoolyard i did not enter today.
if we, erlend and i, stand next to each other, erlend is exately one head taller than me. (this is of some importance, - a way of measuring a difference, according to erlend. i am not sure he is right)
one summer afternoon 2 years ago, erlend asked me, to tell him, what song i liked the most, from some songs he had left in my computer.
that day 2 years ago i did not have an answer for that question.
sometimes answers dont come easy
what it means to like is a trouble, i still would not say that i really like this song. it is far to sad.
but this will be the one that i prefere because i relate
i have a feeling this song is written for someone dear. someone that is older.
but i would not know.
i guess even the subject of the song would not know. maybe.
most songs can tell almost anything depending on the ear that feel.
but to my ear the outlook from this song is sad. i would hope everything is all sweeter by now.
i dont understand the song much on the album version, but when i found a recording where erlend sing it alone dated years earlier it rang through. that is the below of the below on the may 8th post.
i started to sing along because i felt the song, but somehow i had to change the lyrics. im not sure if my mind wanted the song to be different. rather maybe my version is different. maybe. that is hard to tell. how the mind works with appropriation.
i would like to put a link to the original recording, but i am afraid that i lost it.
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tuesday: june 28th 2011
description of dream:
i saw this dream in the night before we had the birthday
i met a bird. unfortunately i dont remember much about this bird apart from that it was a small bird and it had feathers in chocolate colored different shades of brown maybe some small feathers were grey or white.
how ever unlikely it may sound me and that bird became friends.
then i lost sight of the small bird.
i dont know if such a thing as time exist in dreams.
i have read somewhere that dreams happen fast.
the bird comes back. but got scared of something invisible (something that a bird sees but that i cant see)
then the bird fly into my open mouth and hides itself. it presses its body hard against the roof of my mouth and i get afraid that it will crush it self. i think the bird is very tensed. i hope it will soon relax.
it does not.
i am not sure that it is ok to do so (because i dont know if the bird still sees the invisible danger) but i take it out of my mouth, into my hand and i am not sure if it is still alive.
then i wake up
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monday: june 27th 2011
malina therkelsen and birgitte edvardsen vad gave us a birthday song. it made me strangely happy. my camera was set on video when malina unpacked her accordion and so i filmed the song:
there is a good moment when lina chooses the drums again and some of the guests says "no but we just had that?!" but malina is: "no no its ok!" in fact we got about 5 more birthday related songs. (towards the end anne was very frustrated with the attention) i couldnt stop laughing and now i get embarresd to hear my myself giggeling down on to the camera through the 5 next songs. i will keep them as a treasure and not upload:-:--)
many birthday-hugs
s
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saturday: june 10th 2011
last night we went and heard nadja la cours boyfriend zack play with his band zulu pearls. jakob tolstrup has moved to berlin now and i was hanging out with him and hana.
we, or at least jacob and i stayed untill the sun came up, hana left a bit ealyer. today i know from jacob that he lost his way riding home.
it was a good night.
zack and jasper the guys from zulu pearls came up with cover of fleetwood mac. they played it as an encore and nadia told me that they had not played it before yesterday. i think it is pretty cool.
i am still in my bed, but that has been hard to justify for the past hours since i am pretty much awake. i will get up now :-:--)
have a good day
many hugs
s
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tuesday: june 7th 2011
today hana vanatkova came back. i had no idea she would.
such a joy
all the way from my heart out into my fingers, and i called hana to tell her how happy i was that she was back. then i found a cardigan in a pile of rubbish on the pavement. 6 different colours.
today was a good day.
now its 02.03 night. its actually more wensday than tuesday
thinking of you
and a stupid bramble hug
s
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wensday: may 25th 2011
jonas olesen is in berlin for some sound exhibition stuff now. he just left my place. we had coffe at my kitchen table and before that we ate dinner at the italien restaurant down my street. i had my now usual favorite: rucula-soup, and jonas took a seafood ravioli dish.
we talked about how people become parrents and coincidencial parrenthood.
good food
good talk
so i like it here. it is still sunshine. and it is getting warm now
last week my mum and dad were here.
my dad helped me build a new old bike. best bike in a long time.
and my mum knitteded me some of these patches to use in the kitchen, for not burning fingers on pots and pans.
sweetest parrents
sweetest good dreams
s
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tuesday: may 10th 2011
im back in berlin
its sunshine
i have to stay inside
i hope someone will come by and take me out!
-
before the weekend i had one set of news. they concern the picture below
(our)LINA BJØRN AND KRISTJAN ZAKLYNSKY
and then this morning i got another set of news from hawaii. nan na hvass and rasmus stolberg. exately the same day !!
BEAUTIFULL DAY it is :-:--)
a DOUBLE MARRIAGE DAY
just like the double rainbow
BIGGEST DOUBBBLE SMILE
s
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sunday: may 8th 2011
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sunday: may 8th 2011
im going home tomorrow monday
today i took a giant tall tree apart (i dont know the english word for this)
but it was a pine tree and i did it together with my parrents. now i smell of wood.
-
thoughts on "the getting rid of things"
or rich loss by purpose
there was a purple sadness. and imprints of red waves for days and a feelings of sinking. unstoppable weight in wave-like structure carving from surface of matter down, not stopping ever if at a bottom was smeared in quicksand.
there is a swimming. not swimming. lame legs and a retry in the colour of skin.
but still there is the sinking.
marked in
and then the willingly let go. unwillingly get rid. an arriving and a departure of what was running in aways by it self
a final give up and moulden ears after maybe stories of bedbugs and mermaids
a talkover turn of decorations and a wrong trust
there is the nature of jealousy unbound.
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saturday: may 7th 2011
im spending the weekend between holte and copenhagen
a couple of days ago i got the news that statens kunstfond, thats translate to something like “the state art foundation” will grant my summer travel:
i might extend it a bit, now i need to get it planned, - i wrote the foundation such a long time ago and almost forgot about it since it seemed so utopic.
-
and the illness seems to be leaving
i wake up late: i sleep on a madras under my banana palm in my parents work space.
it is quite warm in the garden. the breakfast is good.
however i wake up in a headache since the illness. it will be better when all the snot is over.
this cat is moving in but it shouldent. it lives across the street. it is siamese and has blue eyes. he is the most clumsy cat i have met, and thats a good starting point.
i like him. he has a name but i call him dunnerklumpen.
below is the soundtrack
summerkiss
s
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tuesday: may 3rd 2011
some hours ago peter rune christiansen, one of my few danish friends here in berlin called me and started to talk about freud.
im just noting this in here because i made a guache this night, that made me so scared that i had to get rid of it.
it is these dreams.
maybe i will come back to the subject. (not freud but the getting rid of stuff) have to run now.
kiss
s
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saturday: april 30th 2011
flue. since 2 days. surpriced i made my way down to the telecafe.
finally my glasses arrived today.
at least i can see
and at least i have clean sheets
a wellprepared illness
it is still sunny-streets but my mom said on the phone that there will be some frost (in the nights next week).
so i have put the heating back
she always knows these things and i feel sad for all the plants who have completely given in to the idea of spring. like me i guess.
will go home to dk short on wensday. stay til monday.
snot
x
s
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wensday: april 27th 2011
time happens in a fine way now that the internet is gone.
i still do not have it
and i do not get it
it is good as this
some news in short, as i sit waiting for my clothes to be washed and have the joy of writing on my own keyboard:
i painted some gouaches on paper that i like to look at. they are three. they hang home on my walls. i like what they picture. and i even like their stories told.
i have felt this way for four days now.
normally this feeling do not last.
it is getting warmer in berlin now and i have turned of the heating.
experimentally
today i felt ill. a combination of a migraine and a sickness around my heart. both conditions seem to be of a cronical sorts, but today i had to lay down and fall into sleep.
it made me think of myself as a rather weak person.
i would prefer to be strong
two hours ago i got up from bed and decided i had to wash all my clothes.
i am not sure i am really able to decide a thing like this. the headache at least will probably get worse. the heavy heart, im not sure.
but i would also prefer to have psychic powers.
and i would also really really like to be able to fly real fast
and then last: if people are sad it could be good to be able to make their sadness less sad.
hmm
lets try better
i want to belive!
BIG psychic hug
s
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saturday: april 2nd 2011
it is now 18 days since i arrived in berlin. my life starts to place itself within some frames of rutines
i wake up early (like 08 its crazy). i eat more bread than i would like to. i water the plants i have put in the kitchen window. i blame myself for not working with enough concentration. often someone come by and we have a drink, even though i think i shouldent drink on weekdays. maybe we cook lunch. in the afternoon i am tired. often i take a bath in the bathtub. sometimes i go for a walk. maybe to the telecafe to look at the internet. i try to work again in the early evening. later i might go out.
my home is to my surprice already since about week "my home"
i still do not have internet home, and this is not an easy one to pull of.
i would like to be able to use the video chat on skype with my parrents and friends and also i feel like making more or less reality related random searches/ looking things up on google (sort of all of the time).
- surpricingly to myself it fits me fine, to go down to the tele-cafe and do mail and facebook.
why i dont have the net is that the apartement came with no internet, and as a personal issue i guess i had reached some sort of bad level of onliner time in my life.
onliner time vs. not onliner time. i guess this is a classic
well. lets see. i have a feeling i will not last forever (about this not beeing online.)
feels like total regression to have to put myself in this state
-and feels like i have been here before :D
apart from my internet issue (that is really not an issue, but maybe more a cure - the reversebility of finally moving maybe)
- i am good.
yours
s
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wensday: mar 23th 2011
irony is the last sign that comes from the secret core of the object.
the pure, however indirect expression, of reversibility of things.
-
nothing moves any longer from cause to effect
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friday: mar 18th 2011
german tele: +49 151 4130 5296
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wensday: mar 16th 2011
berlin address:
tucholskystr. 41
10117 berlin
GERMANY
im here for the comming months. i dont have internet, mails will be answered as i get to them.
come and see me, ring the doorbell by Y. Schaum
BIGGES HUG in a while
s
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monday: mar 14th 2011
3 and a half hours sleep i cant do this
i cant lift my suitcase
but i will do
bye bye copenhagen spring
long arms embracing berlin sleepy morn.
x
s
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friday: mar 11th 2011
in 4 days i will be sitting in a chair in berlin. behind a desk that i have seen in a picture.
sweet desk
today i have been in a stress
i have bitten a small bite of my finger. the last finger
a tiny hole.
i never did something like that before
i keep myself under observation
i dont know if i am ok
in 4 days everything will be better and i will forget the stress that will then be 4 days past.
i will have two tall windows and a small yellow bed. still no sofa.
i will get some plants. i promised myself. that it is reasonable that i find some plants in order to make a home. i am still homesick
yes
love u
miss u
see u soon
s
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monday: mar 7th 2011
im home again.
tonight i spend some hours giving the plants new soil for the summer.
in a week i will be gone again. this time of to berlin. i think my mother will take the plants now.
in a strange way it hurts to leave them again. i feel stupid to write so.
the banana palm in the middle of the picture has 3 years now.
all the orchids are in the orange box (behind the yellow bucket) the oldest one must be the one my mother gave me 8 years ago.
the two trees in the yellow bucket i am not sure about. one i got last year from sanne hyun and the other i have had since i moved out from my parrents house 10 years ago, but it was already quite big then.
the two avocados in the black bucket i made last year from avocado stones.
the little strange plant coming over the edge of the black bucket is one maria jørgensnes mother gave me 10 years ago. i think it is called pearls in the air. normally its way bigger. it will be again.
about the big hoya carnosa on the top shelf i dont know. got it 3 years ago from my mother, but she had it for a long time before she gave it to me.
it does not make sense to find such joy in plants.
that you keep them for company for years
maybe its just that i like the way the green is swollen on their leaves when they are kept happy.
now i will leave them again
i know they will forgive me
embraces from the reddest of the plants
s
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saturday: feb 19th 2011
my dad has resently build a very cool computer stereo, all home made and coring around a mini-mac.
yesterday my dad and i downloadet rust never sleeps, the neil young movie, since we thought we would test his new stereo on this one.
just one obsticle so far. my mother who has revealed, that she apparently is not as crazy about neil young any more as she was back in the seventies, and therefore does not want to be in the livingroom when we do the blast.
but i really like neil youngs songs
since i know that my mother reads this diary sometimes, and she told me yesterday that she feels that i never sing out loud enough on the videos i post, i did this neil young song, and for her sake tried to sing louder. im not sure i did though.
maybe one day it will work. i have to concentrate.
and i never wrote about why i cant sing, but it has a simple explanation: when i was kid i almost went deaf.
it was at its worst when my parrents would stand right behind me and speak, - and i couldnt hear a thing.
for the same reason i played the violin for 7 years during my childhood supposed to train my ears back to normal, - offcourse i never got hold of it, but in a strange way i felt good to do something that i was merrited impossible.
yep. thats the true story.
big hug
s
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friday: feb 11th 2011
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wensday: feb 9th 2011
i am wearing annes clothes, but it is me speaking though :D
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monday: feb 7th 2011
fallacies of the mind
they hurt
and break as dumb unvilling waves
in the warm waters that i made up for us
and i dont understand what it is that i dont understand
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sunday: feb 6th 2011
i am lying flat up in anne werners high bed, in her 3rd floor copenhagen apartment. it is almost midnight. through a big window i can overlook a lot of trees, some darkness, a couple of church towers, two lakes and the major traffic joint that ties the island on to the central part of copenhagen. if it was not for the rain, the streets would seize their highpoint of silence soon.
it is a good apartment. anne have lived here a year longer than i have lived in my apartment. i like hers better than mine: because of the view, because of the old kitchen, because of the bathtub, because it has 2 balconies and because it is far cheaper than mine.
but copenhagen is such an impossible town to find apartments.
maybe some day i find one as nice as hers :-:--)
for the next couple of weeks i can pretend to live here, as anne and her boyfriend have left for a wedding in costa rica and have left me their rooms.
i have been here since friday now, and actually it is a very special feeling.
anne is the person i know the best of all of my friends. when i lie here, in her bed, wearing her clothes, listening to the sounds of her house and try to imagine how it feels to be her, - i cant.
maybe its because i know her so well that it becomes impossible.
over the next weeks i should have some time to investigate.
for now
showering annes plants (and max's plants :)
plant hugs
s
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saturday: jan 30th 2011
its freezing 5 below zero in celsius in copenhagen. i have just checked the weather report. i am in copenhagen in 16 hours and it worries me that i dont have a winter coat.
i dont have my apartment or my winter clothes at hand before one month, so it would be good to go south now.
but i am homesick a lot. i guess homesick will be cured in some days.
i wonder if i will have enough money to buy a ticket somewhere warm. if not i will have to buy a winter coat.
last night dreams
stine
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tuesday: jan 25th 2011
anne werner was here last week and gave me this:
i am happy. it totally fits in my walkman. now i want more more more:D
by the way this song is on the tape:
so usa, but sweet like like like
it has been a good day today
i talked with lina bjørn on skype and got some good news.
i will make a trip to NY in may and go see her and kristjan.
this year we want to bus or hitch hike or whatever around. just thinking about this make me smile.
big-happy-going-home-soon-hug
s
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sunday: jan 16th 2011
today i got a walkman from the fleamarked.
i never knew that greek music would be so eastern.
strange things about their almost muslim approach to many things starts to fit.
more greek music here:
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saturday: jan 15th 2011
since the past 10 days ive had some kind of flue or fever. but it feels as if it is getting better now. it was nothing serious. just unpleasant. to be ill away from home is the worst.
i tried to imagine details from my appartement. random things about what way the lock on the door turns and how many steps the stair has.
it is starting to blurr. minor details. i am half way into the time now. 6 more weeks and i will return. i wonder how this will feel like.
anne werner will be here wensday and it makes me happy, to think of her coming here.
now i just need to sleep 3 more times and then im not alone anymore.
love
stine
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sunday: jan 9th 2011
about my days in athens:
i have been here for 40 days.
in the beginning i found it very hard.
many matters are obviously functioning in exotic ways here. if they function at all.
a lot of people are beyond helpless
and a lot of people have recently lost a lot of what they used to have. a lot of people try to hold on blind to their privileges.
it is a state of disillusion vs. some sort of collective crocodile sleepwalking.
but i guess that is the very standart in most places these days:
unrealism
so
a lot of people now make money in very imaginative ways.
a lot of people couldent be bothered to wake
i dont have much to say about this.
my personal view has not developed yet. maybe it never will on this matter. for now i allow myself to float.
in order to pretend to participate on the inside of the sleepwalk, i have started to dress as quiet as i can, and left my camera on the inside of my jacket.
this functions to some extend: i am no more continuously disturbed by hustlers and opportunists.
apart from the above:
my colour project is progressing, but slow because i cant focus easy.
i have found the best fleamarket in the world
my throat is complaining from the smog by erasing my voice.
my diet have turned almost vegetarian
a week ago i bought my ticket out. jan the 30th is the date.
untill then
hugs from the sleepwalker
s
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older diary:
diary 2010
myspace diary/blog 2009
myspace diary/blog 2008
myspace diary/blog 2007
myspace diary/blog 2006